Find, Remind, and Bind: The Functions of Gratitude in Everyday Relationships

Algoe, S. (2012). Find, Remind, and Bind: The Functions of Gratitude in Everyday Relationships. Social And Personality Psychology Compass, 6(6), 455-469.

The "find, remind, and bind" theory of gratitude proposes that these three key actions are essential in strengthening a relationship with an interaction partner. This article claims that when the emotion of gratitude is experienced in response to a benefit, it is, in part, because the recipient has noticed a particularly responsive action on the part of a benefactor. In a social situation, a responsive gesture stands out from the rest: it signals that the person understands, approves, or cares about the self. This helps to bind the people in the relationship more closely together.

Emotions work to draw attention to a notable situation and to coordinate a response to that situation. Each emotion – whether negative/unpleasant or positive/pleasant – has been shaped by selection processes to draw attention to a specific type of recurring and important situation. In general, negative emotions are thought to draw attention to threats or problems in the environment, whereas positive emotions draw attention to opportunities. The emotional response, in turn, engages mind, body, and behavior in a coordinated way.

The find-remind-and-bind theory acknowledges that with humans’ interdependence comes a need to evaluate and know how we relate to our interaction partners. As a starting point, the theory emphasizes a different aspect of the situation that causes gratitude than prior, economic accounts: a unique appraisal that is relational. Gratitude draws attention to a rarer and potentially more important social opportunity: the opportunity to solidify a connection with someone who would be a high-quality dyadic relationship partner, that is, someone who will be there through thick and thin, both providing support and enriching one’s life. Independent of whether the benefit recipient values a benefit provided by another person, the authors hypothesized that an additional strong predictor of gratitude would be whether the benefactor was perceived to be responsive to the recipient’s needs and preferences when providing it. As predicted, recipient appraisal of benefactor responsiveness in providing the particular benefit was positively associated with feelings of gratitude for the benefit.

Communal relationship orientations are principally characterized by the provision of benefits based on another person’s need, not on expectation of repayment. Attention to perceived responsiveness and therefore communal relationship norms may sound like a subtle distinction from attention to repayment and exchange-based relationships, but it nonetheless has important implications for understanding and theorizing about how gratitude functions in social life. A responsively-provided benefit marks a prime opportunity: put selfishly, the responsive benefactor appears to be both motivated to be in one’s corner, and well-suited to be there, making for a very attractive relationship partner. This is qualitatively different than a focus on paying back an imbalance of debt.

In another study, more grateful people reported noticing new positive qualities in their benefactors and were more willing to associate with the benefactor in the future, which supports the links between experienced gratitude and improvements in the grateful recipient’s perspective on the benefactor as well as relationship. Furthermore, grateful people report intrinsic motivations toward a range of behaviors that would promote the relationship, including simply spending more time with the person. Importantly, beyond feeling closer, gratitude should trigger communal relationship norms, so if a grateful recipient does provide a benefit back to the benefactor, he or she should be responsive to the benefactor’s needs.

In order for gratitude to have a positive effect on relationships, it must first be expressed. One study recently demonstrated that, for grateful individuals under chronic stress, improvement in perceived social support over 3 months was dependent on being unambivalent about expressing one’s emotions. Furthermore, it is theorised that positive emotions facilitate long-term strategies for success, and provide opportunities for growth.

Thus, the find-remind-and-bind theory of gratitude updates and enriches understanding of this emotion to provide a clearer picture of the role of gratitude in reciprocally altruistic relationships. As such, the find-remind-and-bind theory provides several underlying assumptions to guide future research questions, methodology, and understanding of the role of gratitude in social life.