What do emotions, attachment and relationships mean to us throughout the life span? - Chapter 14

How does emotional development occur?

An emotion is a complex phenomenon, involving a feeling, physiological changes, behavior, and often cognitive appraisal. Emotions are there from birth but develop as we age. 

The first emerged emotions are the primary emotions. At first, babies show contentment, interest and distress. Within the first six months, six primary emotions evolve from these three: joy, surprise, disgust, sadness, anger and fear. After this, from around 18 months, come the secondary emotions, named self-conscious emotions, for which self-awareness is required. These are first embarrassment and then later in the second year pride, shame and guilt. More self-conscious emotions are envy and empathy. 

Primary emotions seem biologically programmed, probably from evolution, as they are universal. They play a big role in attachment formation with the caregivers, as they respond to the emotional signals of the child. Caregivers, as well as the temperament, influence the dominant patterns of emotional expression. Mothers are models to babies and also respond more to babies' positive expressions, so they learn to show happy faces more often. From around 9 months, social referencing begins: infants then monitor their companion's emotional reactions to things, and use this to know how to feel and behave. And emotion socialization also happens through parents talking about emotions. 

Infants must develop emotion regulation to conform to the sociocultural rules about emotions and to keep themselves from getting overwhelmed. It often involves controlling or suppressing negative emotions, but it's also about trying to strengthen or lengthen positive emotions. Infants are trying to regulate their emotions at a very young age but first have just simple strategies. Again, the development of emotion regulation is influenced by both the infant's temperament and the caregiver. At age 3-4, the prefrontal cortex develops and effortful improves, and this causes much improvement in emotion regulation. 

Emotional competence develops as children age and is a good predictor of social competence because these children make good companions. One advancement is when children, from around 11 years, know people can have mixed emotions. As children age they also learn emotional display rules: cultural rules that say what emotions should and should not be expressed and under what circumstances. Through this they become more aware that there can be a gap between inner emotions and what is expressed to the outside. For this self-control is also needed. Again culture (e.g. individualistic/collectivistic) is of great influence, and here the direct environment has a big role since they react in a certain way to the emotions of their child. Parents can "coach emotions" or "dismiss emotions". 

Adolescence is an emotional time, probably because important life events and changes are occurring, and they can not regulate their emotions as good as adults yet. Another possibility is that adolescents may have different emotion regulation goals than other ages: they show contra-hedonic motives, which means they want to maintain or enhance bad moods and dampen good ones. They often seek and experienced mixed emotions and somehow wanted to combine the two.

Elderly adults are most prohedonic and thus the opposite of adolescents. While frequency of positive emotions basically stays the same over life, negative emotions become less frequent with age, thus emotional well-being increases. Elderly also are more skilled at emotion regulation. There is one exception: sometimes they can become emotionally overwhelmed by life events. The socioemotional selectivity theory says that as we grow older our needs change, and we actively choose to narrow our social partners to the ones who best fit our emotional needs, which strengthens our emotional well-being. There is also the positivity effect: elderly have a tendency to attent and remember positive information more than negative information. The emotion parts of the brain do not degenerate much. 

What are some perspectives on relationships?

Social relationships are critical for human development, especially the first parent-child relationship. 

Bowlby came up with attachment theory and this was elaborated on by Ainsworth. It was first based on ethology (the study of behavior of species in their natural environments and the evolution of that behavior) and psychoanalytic and cognitive theories were also used. He defined attachment as the strong affectional tie that binds a person to a close companion, and also a behavioral system through which humans regulate emotional distress when threathened and achieve security by seeking closeness with someone. Attachment is visible when a baby seeks closeness with the mom and gets distressed when she's not there, because she gives him security. 

Bowlby thought attachment comes from evolution because it contributes to survival. Then, imprinting can happen: innate form of learning, in which the youngsters follow and become attached to a moving object (usually the mother) during the sensitive period for it (for people, the first 3 years of life). Adults are also biologically programmed to respond to an infant and are hormonally prepared for caregiving by having oxytocin (hormone produced primarily in the hypothalamus, that facilitates caregiving and attachment). The security of attachment depends on nature and nurture (a responsive environment). 

Bowlby said infants construct internal working models based on their interactions with caregivers. These are cognitive representations of themselves and others, that guide their processing of social information and their behavior in (later) relationships: this is the mechanism through which early experiences affect later development.

Peer relationships are also important for our development. Stack Sullivan said peers become increasingly important, first by being playmates, then by giving peer approval and then by close friendships. he named close childhood friendships chumships. This helps children to develop cognitively (e.g. perspective-taking) and supports them, it can also protect them from the harmful effects of a bad parent-child relationship or rejection from other peers. 

How does attachment go in infancy?

As infants age, they and their caregivers develop synchronized routines in which they take turns responding to each other. For these the caregivers have to be sensitive to the signals of the baby. Good synchrony contributes to good attachment and good emotion regulation.

Infants go through four phases whie forming attachments:

1. Undiscriminating social responsiveness (birth to 2/3 months). They respond to any social stimuli, thus do not prefer a person.
2. Discriminating social responsiveness (2/3 months to 6/7 months). They begin to show preferences, but are still friendly to strangers. 
3. Active proximity seeking or true attachment (6/7 months to 3 years). 
4. Goal-corrected partnership (3+). They can now take a parent's goals and plans into account and adjust their behavior to it. For instance, instead of crying when mom leaves the room, they understand she's going to the bathroom. 

Separation anxiety means an attached baby being very fearful when the parent leaves. Stranger anxiety is a fearful reaction to an unfamiliar person, less likely if an attachment figure is close and encouraging. Both of these fears decline as children age. 

The attachment figure is a secure base to the infant, making them feel safe and free to explore, and a safe haven they can come back to when needing comfort. 

Ainsworth came up with the strange situation task to assess attachment. It involves the caregiver leaving and returning and a stranger coming in. Depending on the task, the infant can be characterized as having one of four types of attachment: 

1. Secure attachment. This infant actively explores with the mom around, since she is a secure base. Separation upsets the infant but he/she is also quickly comforted when she returns and the infant greets warmly. When the secure base is present, the infant is outgoing with a stranger. Comes with a sensitive and responsive parenting style. 
2. Resistant attachment. This insecure attachment involves anxious, ambivalent reactions. Since the infant does not dare to explore, even with the mom there, the mom is not a secure base to them. When the mother leaves, the infant becomes very distressed, and upon returning the infant gives ambivalent reactions. These infants are also very wary of strangers, even with the moms there. Comes with an inconsistent, often unresponsive parenting style (e.g. a depressed parent). In this unreliable caregiving the baby tries desperately to get comfort and becomes sad and resentful as this fails. 
3. Avoidant attachment. These infants can play alone but are not really adventurous, and they show little distress as they are separated from mom. When she returns they seem indifferent and do not seek contact. They are not really wary of strangers but mostly avoid or ignore them. They seem distant. Comes with a rejecting-unresponsive or intrusive-overly stimulating (thus pushing the baby) parenting style. 
4. Disorganized/disoriented attachment. These are the confused infants dat do not fit one of the other categories. This is associated with later emotional issues. Reunited with moms, they act weird and contradictory. They seem frightened with the attachment figure, that is no source of comfort to them. Comes with a parent that is frightened themselves or frightening as a parent (e.g. by abuse or neglect).

Contact comfort (a cuddly and soft parent) contributes more to attachment than feeding. 

The infant's temperament also has influence on the attachment. A fearful, irritable or unresponsive temperament contributes to insecure attachment. Of course the temperament and parenting style also interact. We know the parent is more influential than temperament, because relationships between temperament and attachment are often weak, many infants are securely attached to one person and insecurely to another, genetics influence the temperament but not really the attachment, and temperamentally difficult babies can still achieve secure attachment if their caregivers are responsive. 

Of course also the broader cultural and social context have influence, e.g. living in poverty, marital conflict or an individualistic/collectivist culture. The strange situation task may also be culturally biased, but the main predictions still hold up. 

Infants who do not get a chance in the early months to form an attachment and are socially deprived display problems. Luckily about 90 % attached to their adoptive parents 9 months after adoption, but there was a lot disorganized attachment. A meta-analysis showed that those adopted before 1 year of age seem to attach well, whereas those adopted later develop more insecure and disturbed attachment. It also depended on the institution they were in and whether they got enough care from one or more responsive caregivers. 

Long-term or permanent seperation between young children and their original caregivers can sometimes cause problems. Most important is whether the caregiver that takes over does well. Children who experience more permanent separations after each other (e.g. moving through foster homes) have the most chance of problems. 

Daily separations, like day care, often do not have much influence on attachment and development, as long as the quality of parenting was good. However if the quality is not good and the quality of the day care is not good either it can lead to problems. 

Three main qualities discriminate children that were securely attached infants from insecurely attached ones:

• Intellectual competence: children that grew up securely attached are more curious, eager to learn and engaged in activities. 
• Social competence: secure attachment leads to children that initiate playing more, are more sensitive to other children and are more popular and socially able. 
• Emotion regulation: secure attachment is also linked to to good emotion regulation and coping. 

Secure attachment is also linked in a "chain of influence" to the quality of child's peer relationships, which predicts quality of adolescent friendships, which predicts the quality of romantic relationships in adulthood. Keep in mind that early attachments may not have long-term consequences if they change later. 

During the young years, peers and conforming to them are also are increasingly important to the children and have influence. 

How do attachment and relationships further develop in childhood?

As children get older, from about age 3 or so, they grow more independent. Parents are still highly important, but peers also play a big part now. In lots of Western cultures, children grow up in quite an age-segregated and gender-segregated world. They play in different ways: locomotor play (e.g. games of tag or ball), object play, social play (e.g. board games) and pretend play. Between infancy and age 5 play becomes more social and imaginitative, and after this it gets more serious and skill-building.

Parten classified the play types that preschool children have: 

• Solitary play. 
• Parallel play: children playing next to each other but not really interacting.
• Associative play: children interact, e.g. by exchanging materials or conversing, but do not have the same goal. 
• Cooperative play: they then have the same goal and collaborate. 

The first pretend play happens around age 1 and develops as infants age; then social pretend play also occurs. The content of pretend play is culturally influenced. Pretend play decreases after school entry, and play gets more organized and serious. 

Playing occurs in many cultures and species and seems like an evolved behavior that helps us adapt. Playing is associated with development in many domains. 

Peer-group acceptance is studied with sociometric techniques that tell researchers who is liked and who is disliked. Children can then be categorized into one of these:

• Popular
• Rejected
• Neglected (neither liked nor disliked, seem invisible)
• Controversial (liked by many, disliked by many)
• Average. 

Peer acceptance is influenced by personal characteristics like attractiveness and intelligence. Social competence is very influential, and good emotion regulation is related to acceptance too. Secure attachment with parents helps for good peer relationships. Peer acceptance has implications for further development, and a good friendship has too. 

How do relationships further develop in adolescence?

Peers now begin to rival or surpass parents as the source of intimacy and support. As they age adolescents (re)construct their internal working models for attachments with parents as well as friends and romantic partners. Adolescents need the security from supportive parents to become independent and autonomous. Attachment and exploration have to be balanced.

Friendships change qualitatively over age: they are first based on enjoyment of common activities in early childhood, then on mutual loyalty and caring in late childhood, and in adolescence the basis is intimacy and self-disclosure. Psychological qualities increasingly matter. 

Now sociometric popularity (being liked by many peers) and perceived popularity (being viewed as someone with status or power) are distinguished and do not have ot occur simultaneously in a person: an adolescent with perceived popularity can be likeable, but can also be a bully, excelling at relational aggression (subtle, indirect aggression like gossiping or ignoring). 

Dunphy wrote five steps of how peer-group structures change to pave the way for dating:

1. In late childhood, boys and girls get in same-sex cliques, and have little to do with the other sex.
2. Then, boy and girl cliques begin interacting. They provide a secure base for exploring romantic relationships. 
3. In early adolescence, the most popular boys and girls start forming a heterosexual clique.
4. Less popular teens also start forming mixed-sex cliques, and so a new peer-group structure, the crowd, is finalized. The different sexes socialize a lot. 
5. More and more couples form and the crowd disintegrates in late high school. 

So, crowds bring the sexes together, and also give a social identity and social order. Characteristics of the school's ecology, like size and racial/ethnic composition, influence what crowds are formed. Crowds then have influence on self-esteem and identity and so on adjustment. But do crowds shape adolescents' future characteristics, or does crowd membership actually reflect an adolescent's existing characteristics? This is the peer selection vs peer socialization issue. Both processes happen. The nature of peer pressure and what is pressured depends on the crowd, and the effects can be healthy or destructive, depending on the crowds, relationships with parents, and the need for peer acceptance of an individual. 

Bradford Brown says adolescent romantic relationsihps evolve through these phases:

1. Initiation phase. The focus is on coming to see yourself as a person capable of a romantic relationship. A time of crushes and awkwardness.
2. Status phase. Peer approval is what counts and influences relationships. 
3. Affection phase. Now it's not about self-concept or peer status but about the relationship, a more personal and caring phase.
4. Bonding phase. The emotional intimacy from the affection phase may be coupled with a long-term commitment to last. 

Dating at an early age seems to have negative effects. Later it becomes a plus. 

How do relationships further develop in adulthood?

When adults have children and more job responsibilities, their social networks shrink but true friendships stay about the same. Culture has influence on the social network too. Social networks shrink even more in late adulthood but this has positive effects on them (socioemotional selectivity theory). 

Filter theories of mate selection view choosing a partner as a process in which we progress through filters leading us from all possible partners to one partner. First filters are similarities in appearance, eudcation, SES etc. Then later filters are similarity in values, beliefs and traits. However partner selection does not seem to go in such a steplike manner. True, the greatest influence on mate selection is homogamy (similarity). Then people may also look for complementarity. Digital matching with algorithms doesn't seem to go far becaus eit ignores that relationships grow out of interactions over time, that aspects like emotional stability and agreeableness influence relationship success, and that it's almost unpredictable to say which relationships will last. 

Love is documenten through history and in all cultures, even associating with similar brain activity patterns, and thus seems part of our evolutionary heritage. Sternberg came with the triangular theory of love that identifies seven different types of love, based on the strength of three components: passion, intimacy and commitment. Consummate love is when all three components are high. Other types are companiate love (just intimacy and commitment), infatuation (just passion) or empty love (just commitment). 

The internal working models we form early in life can affect the quality of our later romantic relationships. Four adult attachment styles can then result:

• Secure: this comes form a secure attachment history. Other people, as well as the self, are viewed positively. There is a healthy balance of attachment and autonomy. Comes with low anxiety and low avoidance.
• Preoccupied: this comes from a resistant attachment history. Others are viewed positively, but the self is viewed negatively. There is a desperate need for love to feel worthy, much worry about abandonment, and much dependence, and this thus comes with high anxiety and low avoidance. 
• Dismissing: this comes with avoidant attachment history. Other people are viewed negatively and the self is viewed more positively. Emotions are shut down, the person is very self-reliant and distant, and intimacy is avoided to defend the self. Comes with low anxiety and high avoidance. 
• Fearful: comes from the disorganized-disoriented attachment. The self, as well as others are viewed negatively. There is a need for relationships, but self-worth and intimacy are doubted. A strategy to meet attachment needs is lacked. Comes with high anxiety and high avoidance. 

The partner has influence and can help an insecurely attached partner turn into a secure one. The attachment styles/internal working models also come to show in, for example, work environment, and later caregiving and well-being. Older adults with a secure or dismissing-avoidant style seem happier. 

Quality instead of quantity of social relationships, and perceived instead of actual social support are most important for well-being and satisfaction. Important is to have at least one confidant: someone to feel really close to and share things with. One or more good social relationships have lots of positive effects and can even lengthen healthy life.