Summary of Understanding Human Sexuality - Hyde & Delamate - 13th edition
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The sexual standard for many people is that there should be a close connection between two people before engaging in sex. Therefore, the social -and emotional component of love should be discussed.
There has been extensive research on attraction and there are many forms of interpersonal attraction that will be discussed.
People select their partners based on similarity in characteristics, race and education. Also, both men and women prefer physically attractive people. There are two theories on where these preferences come from. One is the reinforcement theory, the other is sociobiology.
Intimate relationships are important for two reasons: one is the desire to have children and two is mutual trust and recognition by the other person. People have a need for interpersonal support to cope with stress successfully. There are several descriptions of intimacy:
The first describes intimacy in terms of characteristics, the second in terms of a relationship. The definition of intimacy in a relationship is: the level of positive, cognitive, affective closeness and commitment that is experienced between two partners. Telling things about yourself to a partner is important in any relationship and is called self-disclosure. It leads to reciprocity in the partner. It generates trust end equity and there is a positive correlation between the amount of self-disclosure and the satisfaction with the relationship. Furthermore, self-disclosure of experiences, attitudes increases vulnerability, and this could be a reason for reducing self-disclosure. However, a decrease in self-disclosure is associated with sexual dissatisfaction.
In our society, there is a connection between love and sex, which is a continuum. There are several theories of love and passionate love. The triangular theory, the attachment theory, the love story theory, the passionate love theory and the biology of love are explained.
The triangular theory of love includes three categories: intimacy, the emotional component of love and describes the feelings of closeness to another person. The second is passion which is the motivational aspect of love. The third category is decision for commitment, which is the cognitive component. There is a short-term aspect which is the decision to love the other person and a long-term component, which is the commitment that makes the relationship endure. This triangle theory is used to show how people can feel matched or mismatched to each other. If their levels of intimacy, passion, decision/commitment align, it is a perfect match. The Sternberg Triangular Love Scale (STLS) can be used to measure the components, and evidence has been found to support his theory.
The attachment theory of love states that early attachment during childhood shapes future relationships. There are three attachment styles in relationships among adults:
The quality of the relationship with parents or caregivers determines the relationship style. Conflict in a relationship can be caused by attachment style and own personal history. It affects the way people interact.
This theory states that interpretation of the interaction between people in important, to make sense of what happens in a relationship, people rely on love stories. A love story is about what love should be like. It involves several characters, a theme and a plot. Many of them come from culture, literature and television.
Passionate love is the state of intense longing for connection with another person and the severe psychological arousal. It exists from three components:
Companionate love is the feeling of deep commitment and attachment to the other person in an intimate relationship. Passionate love is often the first stage in the relationship, followed by companionate love.
The complex phenomena of love are caused by the neural system and chemical bodily reactions. For example, dopamine is related to mating and increases the likelihood of bonding as a pair. Also, prolactin and oxytocin are produced when a passionate lover is present. Furthermore, oxytocin contributes to a long-term relationship as it is stimulated by touch, sexual touching and orgasm. Levels with interpersonal trust correlate to levels of oxytocin.
Interpersonal communication is an important aspect of relationships. There is a connection between sex, communication and the relationship. Effective communication is key in sustaining a good relationship and sex life.
Distressed couples often experience communication deficits. Marriage counsellors are trying to teach couples to communicate more effectively. There are negative and positive messages, criticism refers to the attach on the other person’s personal values and character. Contempt is insulting or abusing another person intentionally. Defensiveness is when someone denies responsibility and responds in a self-protective way. Finally, withdrawal is when a partner’s response is to walk away, turn on the tv or is just silent.
An effective communicator is concerned with the intent of a message, which is what you mean. Impact is also important and is what the other person thinks you mean. Lastly, an effective communicator is one who matches impact and intent. There are several skills that can be applied to ensure effective communication:
Rules can be set between partners in order to fight fair. Brenton (1972) and Creighton (1992) proposed some rules that can help couples fight fair:
Sexual communication, especially nonverbal sexual communication is often very ambiguous. Direct verbal assessment of sex is not common in our society. Ambiguous messages can lead to hurt, rejection and even anger. An effort should be done to clear up effective sexual communication. Ambiguous sexual signals should be drawn out with a question, not by making assumptions.
There are many marital programs developed, especially in the United States to promote effective communication between married couples. Most of these programs are psycho-educational and not therapeutic. They focus on increasing communication -and problem-solving skills. According to a meta-analysis, the programs seem somewhat effective. Especially for couples with one partner in the military, this relationship education can be very helpful.
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Summary with all chapters of the 13th edition of Understanding Human Sexuality by Hyde & Delamate
Summary with the mandatory readings for the course Sexology (a free elective for Psychology students at the UvA).
Selected by VSPA
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