Every relationship starts with a single interaction. In this arousal-inducing interaction, something happens that causes people to interact more, eventually leading to a more intimate relationship. How a relationship evolves from this first interaction to a long-term relationship is something that has been studied a lot.

What do immediacy behaviors communicate?

Immediacy behaviors are both verbal and nonverbal actions that promote interpersonal closeness and allow a relationship to start. They communicate a number of interpersonal things, among which are:

• That someone is available for interaction: turning towards someone, making eye contact and getting closer to another person all indicate to someone that you want to interact with them.
• Approaching: behaviors like smiling, touching or taking the time to show someone you want to connect with them draws two people together.
• Interpersonal warmth: all the above behaviors also signal intimacy and connection towards the person you are interacting with.
• Interpersonal stimulation or arousal: the aforementioned behaviors also increase heart rate, breathing, sweating and other behaviors that show interpersonal arousal.

Immediacy behaviors, like mentioned before, can be both verbal and nonverbal. Nonverbal behaviors include eye contact, moving closer, being relaxed and having a positive facial expression. Verbal behaviors include nicknames, informal addressing, or inclusive plural first-person pronouns. These immediacy behaviors increase physiological arousal. 

Which features do arousal-based theories share?

• All these theories look at interpersonal interactions that start with nonverbal or verbal immediacy behaviors.
• Each of these theories assumes that arousal plays a part in how these interactions come to be, form or continue.
• All of them are dyadic.
• All of them have a cognitive component.
• All of the theories want to figure out why immediacy behaviors cause another person in an interaction to reciprocate these behaviors and allows people to become closer.
• The theories all want to understand how immediacy behaviors influence how people feel after an interaction.
• All of the theories want to examine approach and avoidance behavior to understand how this may determine how a relationship will turn out.

What is the affiliate conflict theory/equilibrium theory?

The affiliate conflict theory was informally called the equilibrium theory. It suggests that each person has an equilibrium point for interpersonal intimacy in a relationship, because excessive closeness causes anxiety but people do have a need for proximity. Thus, people are always balancing approach and avoidance behaviors. They want to maintain their desire for autonomy while also fulfilling their need for connection. This equilibrium needs to be reached by both people in the relationship to make them comfortable.

However, this theory never suggested how this equilibrium was determined and whether this was influenced by circumstances or individual differences. It also did not account for sex or cultural differences regarding reciprocation and compensation.

What is the arousal labeling theory?

The arousal labeling theory proposes that when enough interpersonal immediacy is shown by a giver, the amount of arousal is increased for a receiver of these immediacy behaviors. As a result of this, the receivers have to label the arousal, either as something positive or something negative, leading to a certain response. Whether arousal is labeled positively or negatively depends on situational cues, past experiences and the relationship between the two people that are interacting. When a person labels the arousal positively, they reciprocate the other person's immediacy level, but if they label it negatively, the person will show compensatory, immediacy reducing behaviors.

While it was found that immediacy increases arousal, the theory has one big criticism. Namely, for these processes to take place, a heavy cognitive load is required. This cannot account for the rapid behavioral changes that take place in interpersonal interaction. Reflective cognition cannot occur in the time it takes to respond to something a giver does, thus this theory cannot seem to account for the changes that take place for the receiver in the form of interpersonal reciprocity or compensation.

What is expectancy violations theory?

Expectancy violations theory assumes that people expect certain behaviors of themselves and others during interpersonal interaction. These expectations are developed based on situational influence, cultural differences, relational familiarity and individual characteristics. Expectations thus provide a template for what people think is normal during interactions. When these are not fulfilled, physiological arousal heightens and people cognitively try to explain the behavior of the other person as a result.

However, instead of evaluating the message content, as a result of the arousal the attention of a receiver gets redirected to the other interactant. Specifically, receivers evaluate the communicator on social or physical attractiveness, status, communication style, or relational familiarity. If this is all evaluated positively and the interactants are seen as rewarding, violations of expectancy are seen as positive. As a result of this, people are more satisfied with their relationship with the violator. However, if their behavior is evaluated negatively and the interactants are seen as unrewarding, they will be perceived negatively as a result. This can reduce people's liking for the violator. This means that nonrewarding communicators do pest in an interaction if they stick to norms, whereas rewarding communicators can benefit from breaking them.

What is discrepancy arousal theory?

Discrepancy arousal theory indicates that when someone gets increased immediacy from another person and this exceeds their expectations or standards, this causes an increase in physiological arousal. The arousal will be highest for those immediacy behaviors that are the least expected. When behaviors fall within the expectation for an interaction, known as the acceptance region, no arousal occurs. Thus, how far a behavior lies from what is expected determines the arousal. The theory also posits that the 'best' level of arousal is a moderate one, as high levels of arousal create stress and avoidance behavior, whereas low levels of arousal create no behavior change. Moderate arousal results in pleasure, connection, positive emotions and reciprocation of immediacy.

However, a weakness of this theory is that it fails to demonstrate that discrepancy between what we expect and what happens is the primary cause of an increase in arousal.

What is cognitive valence theory/arousal valence theory?

The arousal valence theory was renamed the cognitive valence theory. It suggested that the connection we make to other people is partially biologically based. Moderate physiological arousal as a result of immediacy causes us to activate pre-existing cognitive schemas. These schemas then determine the valence of the response (positive versus negative). The six cognitive schemas are the following:

• How culturally appropriate the immediacy behavior is (based on norms and rules).
• How personally appropriate the immediacy behavior is (based on an individual's personality, gender role, or beliefs).
• The interpersonal valence based on attractiveness, status or credibility of the other interactant. This is also known as reward valence.
• The interpersonal relationship between the interactants (based on the relationship they share, e.g. partners, friends, relatives).
• The situational appropriateness of what is said (based on context).
• The current state of the receiver of the message (based on their internal, physical, mental and emotional state).

If behavior is seen as appropriate according to these schema, positive relational outcomes will occur. If any schema are violated, the outcomes will be negative.

A negative of this model is that it assumes all six ema must be evaluated positively before the interaction is evaluated positively. It does not leave space to assume that a high positivity in one schema, might compensate a negative evaluation in another.

What is affection exchange theory?

Affection exchange theory states that affectionate communication is adaptive; it evolved because it enabled people to provide and obtain resources and promote relationships that are necessary for survival. Thus, people with strong relationships have a better chance to survive and pass their genes to the next generation. Affectionate communication not only increases physiological arousal, it also causes higher endorphins, oxytocin, dopamine and prolactin, which all helps to maintain the positive relationship. The primary channel for affectionate communication is nonverbal, specifically touch.