How does sexuality change in the adulthood? - Chapter 10

In the United States, the decline of marriage and the rise of new families caused a big change in sexuality in adulthood. This is true for sexual orientation, monogamy, marital sexuality and cohabitation.

What is sexual behaviour of a single person?

The sexual development starts from childhood and by the time people are in their adulthood they are aware of their sexual orientation -and identity. The identification of our sexual preferences is a form of maturity in sexual unfolding. Learning to communicate with sexual partners is difficult for a lot of people, because of the lack of role models in our society. Other problems are responsibility about sex and the development of the capacity for intimacy. The never married group of adults are individuals that intended to marry but did not and people who intended to stay single. Many persons are involved in serial monogamy, which is the occurrence of two or more intimate relationships prior to marriage. Why unmarried people have this status can have both voluntary and involuntary reasons. A virgin is described as someone who never had intercourse, rarely dated and has not engaged in sexual intimacy. Many singles that often report unsatisfying sexual encounters have a harder time in sustaining romantic relationships. Singleism is the stereotyping and stigmatization of people that are not in a couple relationship that is socially recognised.

The singles scene is the institutionalised opportunity for singles after the age of twenty-five to meet a partner. The nightclub is such a place and many people engage in sporting rituals and game-oriented cultural scripts to participate. Apps, such as grinder and tinder can also enable people to find each other. Cell phones play a significant role in the meeting of potential (romantic) partners. Black men and women are more likely to remain single.

A living apart together relationship or LAT is a relationship between unmarried people who live in separate houses but consider themselves a couple. Cohabitation is a way for trying out a committed residential relationship. Cohabitation is becoming a popular alternative to marriage.

What is typical sexual behaviour in marital relationships?

The decision of marriage has changed over the years. The question whether to get married was not present, the question was who to marry. This has changed due to the psychological pressures of marriage. When marrying someone leaves the family of origin to start a family of procreation. Also, the pressure of sexual performance may increase when married. Married couples report they have intercourse about eight to eleven times a month.

Marital sexuality

Sexual expression is most common within marriage. The frequency of marital sex decreases when the partners get older. There are two explanations for the decrease of sex with age, one is biological aging and the second is habituation of sex with the partner. However, learning about the partner’s sexual desires can lead to an increase in quality and possibly frequency.

• Techniques in marital sex exist within four clusters of activity: vaginal intercourse, basic (including kissing, cuddling, stroking and intercourse), basic and oral sex and basic plus oral plus masturbation.
• Negotiating sex is the mating dance prior to intercourse. Some of this is verbal, using indirect or euphemistic language. In most marriages, men and women are equal in initiating sex.
• Masturbation in marriage continues for most men and even though it is completely normal, it is done secretive. It can even be a pleasurable adjunct to marital sex.
• Satisfaction with marital sex exists from emotional satisfaction and satisfaction with the sexual activity itself. Sexual satisfaction is an important contributor to marriage.

Sexual patterns in marriage are influenced by the desire of both persons in the relationship. There are several patterns of desire and these can fluctuate. There are four patterns: stable and low, slight fluctuations and low, fluctuations and average and fluctuating and average. Lust is high when the positive affect towards the partner is high. There seems to be a link between closeness to spouse and positive affect and lust. Sexual patterns change in the course of the relationship, for some people it becomes routine, but for others this is not the case. This can be changed by communication about sexual desire.

Sex and the two-career family

Some people argue that a double career can interfere with sexuality in married couples. However, there is little cause for concern. There were no differences in sexual intercourse, satisfaction or desire found between couples with working hours. When the man and woman both had satisfying jobs, they reported a better sex life than couples with fatigue or unemployed persons.

Keeping your mate

People with high scores on narcissism and impulsiveness are more likely to engage in infidelity. Also, dissatisfaction with marriage can result in infidelity. Mate retention tactics refer to behaviours related to preserve a relationship. They might be initiated by a fear of the partner losing interest or being dissatisfied. Men use other resources for mate retention than women. Men are more likely to give resources of display, such as money. Women are more likely to appear attractive or make positive verbal statements.

What are non-monogamous relationships?

Many people make the vow to be sexually faithful to a partner, to be monogamous. When a partner is not able to be monogamous, he might engage in adultery, secret sex with someone else than his partner. Another example is internet infidelity, which is also kept secret. However, now different kinds of relationships that are not always monogamous are becoming more common, these relationships are called non-monogamous relationships. The distinction between secret non-monogamy and open monogamy is made to describe different types of non-monogamous relationships.

What are reasons -and attitudes on extramarital sex?

The sexual activity involving a person in a long-term committed relationship with someone other than his partner. If the couple is married, it is called an affair or adultery. When the couple is not married, it is called cheating. Power is found to be associated with extra-relationship sex. Another predictor is the relationship bond, violence, separation and time spend together. The attitude of many people toward extramarital sex is negative. Even though people often have a bad attitude, this does not mean they will not engage in extramarital sex. People that approve of extramarital sex do not necessarily engage in it more. Factors that determine the attitude towards extramarital sex are gender, social class and education.

What is internet infidelity?

The rise of websites designed to connect people looking for a partner created a new phenomenon. A cyberaffair is a sexual or romantic relationship with an online contact. Erotic dialogue can be combined with masturbation. People that search for relationships online, might be dissatisfied with their partner. Lost of trust in the partner over an online relationship can be overcome by sex counselling.

What is the relationship between equity and extramarital sex?

The equity theory is a theory of social psychology, designed to explain human relations. It has been applied to explain extramarital sex. The idea is that peoples input in a relationship determine what they would like as benefits or rewards. Then people calculate if the relationship is equitable. Individuals feel that the relationship is inequitable when they feel they are not getting what they deserve, this causes great distress in some. They make attempts to restore the equity in a relationship. extramarital sex can be explained to restore equity in a relationship. The interpersonal exchange model is concerned with costs and rewards of a sexual relationship. Relationship satisfaction is related to sexual satisfaction and greater relationship satisfaction is related to higher frequency of affectionate and sexual behaviour.

What are examples of open non-monogamous relationships?

There are some examples of open non-monogamous relationships that are consensually between partners.

• Swinging is when couples exchange partners with other couples or have sex with a third person. It may be closed or open. In closed swinging couples meet their partners in a private place. Open swinging is when they the couples exchange partners and have sex in the same room. People become swingers because they feel the desire variety in sexual partners or for the pleasure of excitement.

• Polyamory is the non-possessive, responsible and honest ethical philosophy of the capability of loving two people simultaneously. It can be in a group relationship or group marriage where people express polyamory.

What are the consequences of non-monogamous relationships?

It was found that consensual non-monogamists and monogamists do not differ significantly. There is also little evidence that consensual non-monogamy leads to more divorces. Secret non-monogamy is often related to the termination of a relationship. Persons that report extramarital sex are more likely to get a divorce. The partner that was having the affair often wanted the divorce more.

What does post-relationship sex look like?

In post-relationship sex, after divorce or death of the partner, the main sexual outlet is no longer available. Also, society places some boundaries on what is accepted after the termination of a relationship. After cohabitation, the number of sexual partners that follows the termination of the relationship is higher than for married couples. Researchers note that this could be caused by the lower commitment of cohabitation compared to marriage. Widows or divorced people start post-marital sex often about one year after the end of the relationship with a frequency of twice a month.

What are the sexual developments in later life?

Physical changes in women

The climacteric is the transition of a woman’s body from being able to reproduce to not being able to reproduce. It is marked by a decline in functioning of the ovaries. Menopause is a specific event in the climacteric where a woman’s menstruation stops. The ovaries age and are not able to respond to the normal output of LH and FSH anymore and the egg -and oestrogen production declines. There are vasomotor symptoms, including sweats and hot flashes, psychosomatic symptoms, feelings of tension, stress and depression. Two other effects caused by the decline of oestrogen are osteoporosis, porous and brittle bones and vaginal dryness. There are four ways of treatment: hormone therapy, medication, seeking advice from friends and family and alternative treatment.

Because of the biological changes, the vagina has less acidity and is more prone to infections. There is also a decline of vaginal lubrication during sex because of the decline in oestrogen. Despite these changes, some women report that sex after menopause is better. This is because they do not longer fear pregnancy. Researchers have come to the following conclusions about sex in women after menopause:

1. Most women continue to engage in sex and enjoys it.

2. There is some decline in sexual functioning after -and during menopause.

3. Oestrogen is associated with this decline in sexual functioning.

4. Another important hormone is testosterone, sexual desire might decline when the levels of testosterone decline in the ovaries.

Physical changes in men

Over the years, testosterone levels gradually decrease. Also, men develop more vascular diseases including hardening of the arteries. This can cause problems with erection as this is dependent on the blood flow in the body. It results in erections occurring more slowly. Also, the refractory period and the volume of ejaculation lengthens with age. The testes become smaller, but they still produce viable sperm. It seems that middle-aged -and older men have a better control over their orgasm than young men. This can prolong coitus and lead to more satisfaction with the partner. Satisfaction of sex in men during later life was association with whether they had erectile dysfunctions.

What are the attitudes on sex and the elderly?

In our society the leading attitude on elderly sex is negative. Sexual behaviour of the elderly is related to cultural background. In seventy percent of societies the elderly remains sexually active. The negative attitude in our society is due to our youth-oriented culture. This makes it hard to believe that unattractive elderly with a wrinkled skin could still have sex. This attitude might be an evolutionary one from the time that sex was only meant for reproduction. Another misunderstanding is about health and elderly sex. When a man believes that sexual arousal could lead to a heart-attack, he might not initiate sex. There are two factors that are critical in maintaining sexual capacity:

1. Good mental -and physical health.

2. Regularity of sexual expression.