How do love and attraction work? - Chapter 14

What is this chapter about?

This chapter focuses on the topics of attraction, love, and close relationships. It examines the different factors that influence attraction and mate selection, including physical attractiveness, similarity, and proximity. It also discusses the theories of love and the different types of love, such as passionate love and companionate love. The chapter explores different theories in attraction and forming close relationship. It also explains which relationships work and which relationship don’t.

What does evolution theory tell us about attraction?

Physical attractiveness is a powerful factor in human social interactions and has been found to be common across cultures. This is because physical attractiveness signals good health and genetic fitness, and is therefore considered desirable in potential mates. People who are physically attractive are often also perceived as having other positive qualities, such as intelligence, kindness, and sociability, even when there is no evidence to support these assumptions.

Evolutionary theory suggests that humans are attracted to certain physical traits in potential mates because these traits are thought to be indicative of good genes and reproductive fitness. In the context of romantic relationships, women may be attracted to men who display traits such as dominance and resourcefulness, which could indicate that the man would be a good provider and protector for any offspring. Men, on the other hand, may be attracted to women who display traits such as youthfulness and physical beauty, which could suggest that the woman is fertile and able to bear healthy offspring.

Evolutionary theory can also help explain why people sometimes engage in behaviours that seem counterintuitive to forming long-term relationships. For instance, men may be more likely to engage in short-term sexual relationships with multiple partners, even when they are in a committed relationship. This behaviour could be explained by the idea that men who engage in such behaviour may have a greater likelihood of passing on their genes to a larger number of offspring. Similarly, women may engage in infidelity if they believe that doing so will increase their chances of obtaining resources or securing a better mate.

While evolutionary theory offers a useful explanation for some aspects of human behaviour, it is important to note that not all behaviours can be explained by evolutionary factors alone. Other social and cultural factors also play a role in shaping human behaviour, and individual differences and personal experiences can also influence relationship preferences and behaviours.

What increases liking?

Several factors can contribute to the increase of liking between people. One of the most important factors is similarity, as people tend to like and be attracted to others who share similar attitudes, values, and interests. Similarity is thought to increase liking because it leads to a sense of familiarity and comfort, as well as a perception of validation for one's own beliefs and preferences.

Familiarity is another important factor that can increase liking. People are more likely to form relationships with those who are physically close to them or with whom they have frequent interactions. The mere exposure effect suggests that repeated exposure to a person or stimulus can increase positive feelings towards them, even if the exposure is unconscious or incidental.

Reciprocity is also a critical factor in liking and relationship formation. When people perceive that their positive actions towards others are reciprocated, they tend to feel more positively towards those individuals. Reciprocity can create a positive feedback loop of liking and positive interactions.

Positive interactions and experiences can also increase liking between people. When people have positive experiences together, they tend to develop more positive feelings towards each other. This effect is even stronger when the positive experiences are shared and lead to a sense of bonding and mutual enjoyment.

It's important to note that the combination of these factors can vary depending on the context and the individuals involved. For instance, physical attractiveness can also play a role in the initial attraction between people, but its importance may diminish over time as the other factors become more salient. Ultimately, the combination of these factors and their interplay can influence the development and maintenance of social relationships.

What does social exchange theory tell us about attraction and attachment?

Social exchange theory suggests that people are motivated by self-interest and that they form and maintain relationships based on a cost-benefit analysis. This means that individuals weigh the rewards and costs of the relationship in order to determine whether they should continue investing in it. Rewards can take many forms, such as emotional support, companionship, physical affection, and tangible resources. These rewards are attractive to people because they fulfill their needs and desires, and they are seen as valuable.

In addition to rewards, the costs of a relationship are also taken into account. Costs can include emotional stress, time, effort, and resources that are invested in the relationship. People are less likely to continue investing in a relationship if they feel that the costs outweigh the rewards. This is because they do not want to continue investing in something that is not beneficial to them, or that causes them more harm than good.

Moreover, social exchange theory suggests that people compare their current relationships to their alternatives. Individuals may consider whether they could be happier or more satisfied with another person or relationship, and this comparison can influence their decision to stay or leave. This means that people may leave a relationship if they feel that their needs and desires could be better fulfilled elsewhere.

What are close relationships?

Close relationships can take many forms, and they are characterized by a high degree of intimacy, interdependence, and commitment. Close relationships can include friendships, romantic relationships, and familial relationships. These relationships are important to individuals because they provide social support, emotional intimacy, and a sense of belonging.

One of the primary benefits of close relationships is increased well-being. People who have close relationships tend to report higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction than those who are isolated. This is because close relationships provide individuals with a source of emotional support and validation, which can help them cope with stress and adversity. Close relationships can also provide individuals with a sense of purpose and meaning in life.

Another benefit of close relationships is social support. People who have close relationships have access to emotional, instrumental, and informational support from their partners, friends, and family members. This support can help individuals cope with stress, navigate life transitions, and overcome challenges. Social support can also buffer the negative effects of stress on physical and mental health.

Close relationships can also provide protection from stress. People who are involved in close relationships tend to experience lower levels of stress and better physical health outcomes than those who are socially isolated. This is because close relationships provide individuals with a sense of security and protection, which can help them cope with stressful situations.

What types of love are there?

In social psychology, there are two important types of love:

• Passionate love is characterized by intense emotions, physical attraction, and a strong desire for physical intimacy. It is often described as a "rollercoaster" of emotions, with high levels of excitement and arousal. Passionate love tends to be short-lived and can be influenced by factors such as novelty, uncertainty, and cultural norms.

• Companionate love, on the other hand, is characterized by feelings of warmth, affection, and deep attachment to another person. It is often seen in long-term relationships and is based on mutual understanding, trust, and shared experiences. Companionate love is less intense than passionate love but can be more enduring and stable.

When do relationships work?

The success of a relationship depends on a variety of factors, including effective communication, trust, and commitment. Effective communication involves sharing thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and honestly with one another. When communication is clear and respectful, it can help build a strong foundation of understanding and trust between partners.

Trust is another key factor in successful relationships. Trust involves relying on and feeling secure in one's partner. Trust is built over time through consistent behaviour and openness. Partners who are reliable and honest with each other can develop a sense of trust that allows them to feel secure in the relationship.

Commitment is also important in successful relationships. Commitment involves a willingness to work through challenges and prioritize the relationship even in difficult times. When partners are committed to each other, they are more likely to be able to navigate conflicts and sustain the relationship over time.

On the other hand, factors such as conflict, infidelity, and lack of support can lead to relationship dissatisfaction and even dissolution. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how couples handle conflict can either strengthen or weaken the relationship. Infidelity can damage trust and undermine the commitment that is essential to a successful relationship. Lack of support from a partner can lead to feelings of loneliness and disconnection, which can erode the foundation of the relationship.

To build and maintain a healthy, satisfying relationship, couples need to be aware of these factors and work together to address them. This can involve seeking help from a therapist or counselor, setting clear boundaries and expectations, and prioritizing the relationship as a source of mutual support and fulfillment. By investing in their relationship, couples can create a strong, enduring bond that can withstand the ups and downs of life.