Sexuality and the life cycle: adulthood - a summary of chapter 10 of Understanding human sexuality by Hyde and DeLamater

Sexology
Chapter 10
Sexuality and the life cycle: adulthood

Sex and the single person

Sexual unfolding

The process of sexual development continues into adulthood.
There is a need to solidify one’s sexual identity and orientation.
Another step toward maturity is identifying our sexual likes and dislikes and learning to communicate them to a partner.

Two more issues are important in achieving sexual maturity

• Becoming responsible about sex
• Developing a capacity for intimacy

The never married

The never married: adults who have never been married.
The typical person who marries spends several years in the never-married category.

Celibate: unmarried
Chaste: abstaining from sexual intercourse

Serial monogamy: being involved in tow or more sexually intimate relationships prior to marriage.
Common in adolescence.

The attitudes of never-married persons about their status vary widely.
Three types of involuntary celibates

• Virgins
  Never had intercourse, rarely ever dated, often had not engaged in any partnered sexual intimacy
• Singles
  Had sexual experience but often reported that it was not satisfying.
  Unable to find and maintain relationships.
• Partnered
  Persons in sexless relationships.

Singleism: the stigmatizing and stereotyping of people who are not in a socially recognized couple relationship.

Predictors of remaining a virgin at age 28

• Male virginity
  No sexual attraction in the past
  Late puberal development
  Being rated unattractive
• Female virginity
  Being overweight
  Achieving low scores on a test of cognitive function
  Attending religious services more frequently

Some young people plan to be celibate but not chaste.

Being single

The person who passes age 25 without getting married gradually enters a new world

• The social structures that supported dating (such as college) are gone
• More and more people of the same age are getting married

Singles scene: institutions for singles that provide opportunities for meeting others.

Technology has expanded the ways in which singles can meet.
Cell phones are not only play a role in meeting and screening potential partners, they are a major by which relationships are maintained and terminated.

Most singles do not have intercourse much.

Motives and the importance of scripts in their interactions with women of men

• Desire for sexual intimacy
  Desire for sex was associated with playing the courtship game via the traditional script of male initiates and female controls
• Desire for intimate relationships
  Men moved from superficial to in-depth mutual intercourse
  Sexual intimacy was a secondary goal
• Desire for sexual passion
  Immersion in the partner and the experience of high levels of arousal and lust
  Usually spontaneous and could not be planned

Single adults engage in a variety of relationships.
Sexual activity in nonromantic relationships was associated with lower relationship quality. These differences are due to selection. They invest less in relationships.

LAT: living apart together.
Intimate relationships involving unmarried persons who live in separate residences but consider themselves a couple.

Cohabitation

Living together is an important turning point

• It represents commitment
• It is a public declaration of a sexual relationship

Cohabiting is an opportunity to try out a committed residential relationship.

Among heterosexuals, cohabitation has become an increasingly common alternative to marriage.
These arrangements tend to be short lived.
Almost three-fourths of the men and women who are cohabiting have plans to marry or think they will marry their partner.
These marriages are more likely to end in divorce than are marriages not preceded by cohabitation.

Married persons have intercourse 8 to 11 times per month.
Cohabiting person report a frequency of 11 to 13 times per month. (on average).

Marital relationships

Marriage is a sexual turning point for a number of reasons

• The decision to get married is a real decision these days
• Some psychological pressures seem to intensify with marriage
  These pressures may result in problems where there were non previously
• Marriage is a tangible statement that one has left the family of origin and shifted to a family of procreation
• The pressure for sexual performance may become more intense once married
• Marriage still carries with it an assumption of fidelity or faithfulness, a promise that is hard for some to keep

In marriage, there is a need to work out issues of gender roles.
As a relationship progresses, it can’t stay forever as blushingly beautiful as it seemed the day of the wedding.
The nature of love changes, and for some couples there is a gradual disenchantment with sex.

Marital sexuality

About 94 percent of all people aged 54 or younger are or have been married.
Of those who divorce, most remarry.
In our society, marriage is also the context in which sexual expression has the most legitimacy.

The average American married couple have coitus two or three times per week when they are in their twenties, with the frequency gradually declining as they get older.
Among couples in their fifties the frequency was still once per week.
Social characteristics are generally not related to marital sexual frequency.

Two general explanations for the age-related decline in frequency

• Biological ageing
• Habituation to sex with the partner
  We lose interest in sex as the partner becomes more and more familiar

There is a wide variability in these frequencies.
Sexual inactivity was associated with unhappiness with the marriage, and poor health.

Techniques in marital sex

Four clusters of activities

• (mMostly) vaginal intercourse
• Basic
  Kissing, cuddling, stroking, intercourse
• Basic and oral sex
• Basic plus oral masturbation

Mouth-genital techniques are very common in martial sex.
Oral sex came into vogue in the 1960s.

Negotiating sex

Before any of the techniques are executed, there is typically a ‘mating dance’ between partners.
Sexual scripts are played out in established as well as new relationships.
More often using sexual language is associated with greater satisfaction with sexual communication, relational satisfaction and the reported closeness.

For other couples, deciding to have intercourse involves preliminary negotiations, which are phrased in indirect or euphemistic language, in part so that the person’s feelings can be salvaged if his or her partner is not interested.
To avoid the risk of rejection inherent in such negotiations, some couples ritualize sex so they both understand when it will and when it will not occur.

The majority of couples have the mail initiating sex.
The traditional gender-typing of initiation patterns may be related to how people deal with refusal.

• If the woman refuses, it is attributed to her lesser sexual appetite
• If the man refuses, the woman has no stereotype to rescue her, and she is likely to conclude that he is not interested in her.

Masturbation in marriage

Many adults continue to masturbate even though they are married.
This behaviour is normal, although it often evokes feelings of guilt and may be done secretly.

Masturbation can serve very legitimate sexual needs in marriage.

• It can provide sexual gratification while allowing the partner to remain faithful to a spouse.
• It can also be a pleasant adjunct to marital sex

Satisfaction with marital sex

Satisfaction with sex has two components

• Satisfaction with the sexual activity
• Emotional satisfaction

Married men and women are significantly more satisfied than are cohabiting or single men and women in a continuing relationship.
This greater satisfaction reflects the stronger emotional commitment and sexual exclusivity associated with marriage.

Sexual satisfaction is an important contributor to marital quality.
Sexual satisfaction and marital quality both predict marital stability.

Four factors that differentiate who couples who were happy with their sex life

• A sense of calm about, and acceptance of their sexuality
• Happy people are generous: they delight giving their partner sexual pleasure
• Happy people listen to their partners and were aware of the partner’s quirks, moods, likes and dislikes
• They talk, both in and out of bed, even though it is difficult

Sexual patterns in marriage

Sexual patterns in marriage are influenced by the level of sexual desire experienced by each person.
Four patterns in rating of desire

• Stable and low
• Slight fluctuations and low
• Moderate fluctuations and average
• Highly fluctuating and average

On days when positive affect toward the spouse was high, lust was high.
When negative affect was high, lust was low.
There is a significant positive association between own lust and partner’s lust each day.
Sexual activity which occurred on days when there was a discrepancy between the partners’ level of desire was rated of lower quality.

Sexual patterns can change during the course of marriage.

Having a baby has an impact on a marriage and on the sexual relationship of the couple.
Trying to get pregnant and the threat of infertility can be potent forces on one’s identify as a sexual being.
Pregnancy can influence a couple’s sexual interactions

For the first few weeks after the baby is born, intercourse is typically uncomfortable for the women.
While estrogen levels are low the vagina does not lubricate well.
Also, the mother and the father may feel exhausted with 2.00 am feedings.

Not all couples have children.
Risks in delaying pregnancy

• Fertility declines with age

Adopting an infant probably has effects on one’s relations and sexual desires similar to those of having a baby.

Childlessness varies by race.

Sex and the two-career family

Work commitment may interfere with a couple’s sex life.
But there is little cause for concern.
The quality of work was associated with sexual outcomes.
Women and men who had satisfying jobs reported that sex was better.
Fatigue is associated with decreased sexual satisfaction.

Keeping your mate

What makes men and women susceptible to infidelity

• Narcissism and impulsiveness
• Characteristics of the relationship like conflict, engaging in sexual withholding, abused alcohol
• Dissatisfaction with the marriage

Our awareness of the possibility of infidelity sometimes leads us to engage in behaviours designed to preserve the relationship

• Men report greater use of resources display and more frequent submission to the partner
• Women report more frequent use of enhancing their appearance or attractiveness and use of positive verbal statements

Nonmonogamous relationships

Adultery: sex with someone other than the spouse.

Non-monogamous relationships

• Secret non-monogamy
  Sexual activity involving a person in a committed relationship with a third person without the knowledge of the partner
• Open non-monogamy
  Sexual activity involving a person in a committed relationship with a third (or multiple) person(s) with the consent of the partner.

Extra-relationship sex

Extra-relationship sex: sexual activity between a person in a long-term committed relationship and someone other than that person’s partner; adultery, cheating.

How many people engage in extra-relationship sex?

Extramarital sexual activity is not common.
It varies by ethnicity.
It is more common among persons with low incomes, and those who rarely or never attend religious services.

Influences on extra-relationship sex

Predictors of involvement in extra-relationship sex

• Relationship dissatisfaction
• Negative communication patterns
• Lower commitment to the relationship
• One’s perceived power
• Strength of relationship bond

Attitudes toward extramarital sex

Attitudes toward extramarital sex are not very good predictors of extramarital behaviour.
Factors related to attitudes toward extramarital sex

• Gender
• Education
• Social class

Internet infidelity

Cyberaffair: a romantic or sexual relationship initiated by online contact and maintained primarily via online communication, involving a person who is married/in a committed relationship.

Albright uses equity theory to suggest that married people who go online seeking sex may be dissatisfied.
The internet provides tens of thousands of potential alternative partners.

Equity and extramarital sex

Equity theory:a theory that states that people mentally calculate the benefits and costs for them in a relationship; their behaviour is then affected by whether they feel there is equity or inequity, and they will act to restore equity if there is inequity.

Engaging in extramarital sex might be a way of restoring equity in a inequitable relationship.

Our assessments of the rewards and costs in our intimate relationships are associated with both our satisfaction in whose relationships and the likelihood that we will become involved in extra-relationship sexuality.

Evolution and extramarital sex

Extramarital sex occurs in every society.
Men who seek out ‘other women’ may produce more offspring, who in turn will produce more offspring carrying the genetic make-up that leads to extra-relationship liaisons.

Ways in which adultery might have been biologically adaptive for women in the past

• Sexual liaisons with other men might have enabled woman to acquire extra goods and services that enhanced her offspring’s chances of survival
• It could serve as ‘insurance’ for the case in which her husband dies
• A woman married to a timid, unproductive hunter could ‘upgrade her genetic line’ by mating with another man
• Having children with multiple partners increases the genetic diversity of one’s offspring, increasing the chances that one of them will survive

Open non-monogamous relationships

There are several types of open or consensually non-monogamous relationships.
In all of these all partners explicitly agree that the partner(s) may have other partners.

Swinging

Swinging: a form of extra-relationship sex in which couples exchange partners with others.
Or engage in sexual activity with a third person, with the knowledge and consent of all involved.

Swinging may be closed or open

• Closed swinging
  The couples meet and exchange partners. Each pair goes off separately to a private place to have intercourse, returning to the meeting place at an agreed-upon time
• Open swinging
  The pairs get back together for sex in the same room for at least part of the time
  In most cases, this includes the women having sex with each other

Why do people become swingers

• Desire for variety in sexual partners and experiences
• Pleasure or excitement
• To meet new people
• The opportunity to be a voyeur

Swinging appears to involve a small minority of people.

Polyamory

Polyamory: the nonpossesive, honest, responsible, and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously.

Several forms

• Intentional family
  Involving thee or more persons
• Group relationship
  Committed, loving relationships involving three or more partners
• Group marriage
  Involving three or more persons

There is (ideally) full disclosure of the network of relationships to all participants.
The emphasis is on long-term intimate relationships.

Consequences of non-monogamous relationships

Not much research.
There are no differences found.

The spouse having the affair was more likely to want the divorce more.

Post-relationship sex

Most divorced women, but fewer widowed women, return to having an active sex life.

• Widows are on average older
• Widows are more likely to be financially secure
• Widows have the continuing social support system of in-laws and friends, so they are less motivated to seek new friendships

Widowed and divorced women who have postmarital sex often begin a relationship within 1 year of the end of the marriage.
These are long-term relationships.

Divorced men and women face complex problems of adjustment

• Reduced income
• A lower perceived standard of living
• Reduced availability of social support

These problems may increase the motivation to establish a new long-term relationship.
Single parents face a trade-off between parenting their children and devoting resources to establishing a new relationship.

There are no significant differences between formerly married and formerly cohabiting men and women.
Newly single persons acquire new partners at a significantly higher rate than single, never-married persons in the year following breakup.
Men with custody and women with low incomes have higher rates of new partner acquisition, perhaps reflecting the impact of instability associated with the dissolution.

Sex later in life

Physical changes in women

The climacteric: a period lasting about 15 to 20 years during which a woman’s body makes the transition from being able to reproduce to not being able to reproduce.
The climateric is marked by a decline in the functioning of the ovaries.

Menopause: the cessation of menstruation.

Biologically, as a woman grows older, the pituitary continues a normal output of FSH and LH, but as the ovaries age, they become less able to respond to the pituitary hormones.
With the ageing of the ovaries, there is an accompanying decline in the output of eggs and the sex hormones estrogen and progesterone.

There are a number of physical symptoms that may accompany menopause

• Vasomotor symptoms
  Hot flashes and night sweats
• Psychosomatic symptoms
  Feeling tense, irritable, and depressed

Two other possible effects of the decline in estrogen levels

• Vaginal drynes
• Osteoporosis
  Porous and brittle bones

The woman’s sociocultural environment influences the experience of symptoms.

Four approaches to the treatment/management of symptoms of menopause

• Hormone therapy
• Medications to relieve specific symptoms
• Complementary or alternative treatments
• Seeking advice from friends and family

Sexuality and menopause

During the climacteric, physical changes occur in the vagina.
The lack of estrogen causes the vagina to become less acidic, which leaves it more vulnerable to infections.
Estrogen is also responsible for maintaining the mucous membranes of the vaginal walls.
With a decline of estrogen, there is a decline in vaginal lubrication during arousal, and the vaginal walls become less elastic.

Women’s sexuality after menopause

• The majority of women continue to engage in sexual activity and many enjoy it both during and after menopause
• There is some decline in sexual functioning, on average, during menopause and particularly after the last period
• Estrogen is related to the decline in sexual functioning, in part because low estrogen levels cause vaginal dryness
• Testosterone is important.
  A woman’s sexual desire may decline as her levels of ovarian testosterone decline

Factors related to the frequency of sexual behaviour

• High scores on an index of sexual desire
• Positive attitudes toward sex for oneself
• The presence of a partner with no limitations related to sexuality

Hysterectomy: surgical removal of the uterus.
Sex hormone production is not affected as long as the ovaries are not removed.
It has no effect on sex lifes of most women.
But some women have problems with sexual repsonse

• The ovaries can be removed, and hormonal changes are responsible
• An anatomical probem if the cervix is removes

Oophorectomy: surgical removal of the ovaries.

Physical changes in men

Testosterone production declines gradually over the years.

Good circulation is essential to erection.
A major change is that erections occur more slowly, which is perfectly natural.
The refractory period lengthens with age.
Others signs of sexual excitement diminish with age.
The volume of the ejaculate gradually decreases and the force of ejaculation lessens.

Older men have better control over orgasm than younger men.
Satisfaction with sexual functioning was significantly related to whether the man had erectile difficulties.

Prostatectomy: surgical removal of the prostate.
The volume of ejaculate will decrease and it an create erectile problems.
Whether there are problems depends on which of several available methods of surgery is used.

Attitudes about sex and the elderly

The sexual behaviour of the elderly is related to cultural expectations.
Various specific misunderstandings may influence sexuality as well.

Two factors that are critical in maintaining sexual capacity in old age

• Good physical and mental health
• Regularity of sexual expression

Sexual behaviour

There are substantial numbers of older men and women who have active sex lives.
There does not seem to be any age beyond which all people are sexually inactive.

Frequency of intercourse declines with age.

Among many older people, it is the health of the male that determines sexual activity, and for many older women the problem is absence of a partner.